Cemetery trip revisited

I forgot to write a post yesterday, so as a special treat today you’ll get the full story on the Ghost Tour of Toowong Cemetery. The reason that post was so lame was because I was unable to tell the whole story thanks to a verbal agreement with my Aunt not to disclose the best story of the tour. Since then, a series of events have occurred that have changed her mind and she has granted me permission to tell all.


The tour consisted of the 50 or so people walking around in two lines to different graves. At one point of the tour they split the front line away from the back line which isolated me from Mum and Pauline but put me in the group with Auntie Sue, Uncle Bob and Joan’s friend. We went up the hill to look at one grave and get a story, then came back down the hill to get the Angel of Death story passing Mum and Pauline’s group on the way down.

At the corner of 12th and 13th Avenue it is said that the Angel of Death stands and hisses whoever comes near. If you harass him he will follow you home and you don’t want that. Jack asked us to take off our hats and put down our torches in font of us. We stood in a circle around the junction holding hands with our eyes closed while Jack Sim did a chant to call the Angel. We weren’t to break the circle because that could be dangerous. At Jack’s count of three we were to open our eyes and wait for the Angel.

After about 5 minutes of waiting, the Angel hadn’t come so we all closed our eyes again while Jack chanted to the Angel. “Thankyou angel of death, we understand you are not going to appear. Thankyou angel of death, we understand you are not going to appear. On the count of three, you can open your eyes and break the circle. 3, 2, 1”. I bent down to get my hat. Uncle Bob bent down to get his hat.

In the solemn silence that only comes from a ghost tour in a cemetery at night, a sound crept forth like a banshee screaming. “Pffffft” In one foul swoop, as Auntie Sue bent over to get her torch, a fart emerged from her bum cheeks without any chance for her to stop it.

The group of strangers around us all laughed, while Jack said in all his years of tours he had never had that happen to him. Auntie Sue exclaimed “How embarrassing” while the boy who had been holding hands with her edged away from her quickly. Jack took control of the situation by telling us to go up the hill while I said I wasn’t walking behind Auntie Sue. Joan’s friend, Auntie Sue and I all cacked ourselves laughing as we walked past the other group. Pauline and Mum were wondering what the hell had happened while we were down there. Had the angel of death appeared for us?

Some form of death had appeared, yes, but it was not an angel.

Auntie Sue made me swear that I could not blog the story, but it didn’t stop me from telling Mum and Pauline. The story was just too good. Mum and Auntie Sue are sisters, so in a gesture of sisterly love, Mum of course told the other sister Madonna over the phone. After their fits of laughter had died down and the tears had been wiped away, Madonna sat down to write an email to Auntie Sue. What follows is the email, but to understand properly, some explanations are needed:

  1. Gweny is the mother of Sue, Madonna and Mum (and of course their other brothers and sisters)
  2. Toosami is the word Auntie Sue mistakingly said once when talking about Tsunamis and she hasn’t been able to live it down since. Kelly has blogged her incredible dictionary before.
  3. Madonna lives in Townsville and Mick is her husband


Subject: Shockwaves

Hi there Suey

I understand it was you who caused a major community disturbance and potential panic situation in Brisbane last Saturday night! (It was the lead story on ABC Local radio up here on Sunday morning)

Mick wants to know if had been channelling the spirit of Gweny and while you were bending over she took the opportunity to escape!

For your information we felt the shockwaves (of Toosami proportions) up here in Townsville (I was out in Flinders Street East trying to talk to patrons about safety and was nearly knocked over by this sudden rush of wind)!

We are a bit worried that you might be channelling other members of the family who have crossed over – so in the interests of public safety and the sanity of other family members – I am putting together a selection of CORKS – suitable for anal plugging (I’ll put together a large range for your selection – this will take a couple of weeks as I need to consume some more alcohol).

Cheers

Madonna

Little did Madonna know when she sent the email that Auntie Sue was on holidays and had forwarded all her emails to her boss. Auntie Sue is a highly paid manager in a large government organisation so you can imagine how that went down. We are pretty sure the email is on a noticeboard somewhere in the organisation as we speak. Thankfully Auntie Sue has a sense of humour about it all and said that since everyone knows about it now, I may as well add it to the internet.

There is no one cooler than Auntie Sue!

Comments

comments

3 thoughts on “Cemetery trip revisited

  1. Lynne

    I am surprised that all the ghouls out there have not made a comment about the glorious, heavenly fart. Never mind the inopportune moment. We will now never know if the angel was going to appear or the f!!! scared it off.
    Your mother

  2. Madonna

    Dearest Amyo

    I had heard you had put a story on this blog about the Amazing Suey – made me laugh again when I read it. I look forward to Suey’s next adventure (hope it happens when I’m down there over Christmas). By the way, feel free to send my royalty cheque to my home address.

    I’m going to Hongkers in June 2007 (only for a couple of days – dropping in on my way to Vancouver, New York, Scotland and London). So I don’t go bonkers in hongkers rushing around unnecessarily, let me know how to best use the 48 hours I will be there. We (Dr Anne and me) are staying at the Marco Polo (Harbour View Room) also. Spooky!

    Cheers
    Madonna

  3. Jane

    Dear JACK sIM,
    I have experienced what I believe to have been the Angel Of Death and the story about your mum is totally different to what I experienced. It was near the entrance to the Mount Cootha Side of the cemetery and it was so over whelming it was like people were running through me in my stomache area. I grabbed my friend and looked him in the eyes to tell him what I was feeling was real and serious and we tried to walk further into the cemetery it got too over powering and I had to leave. I have never experienced anything quite like it. It happened to me about four years ago and was in November, near middnight and from memory a full moon. I have only found out recently that I could have been feeling The Angel Of Death. ThAnks for your time. (About a year after this I had two deaths occur in my life that were extremely close to me and they were in the space of six months of each other and uncannily both were held in the exact same funeral parlour and room).What do you think about this? did the Angel Of Death appear to me for a reason?

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