Just in case you were wondering what all these numbered headings were, it’s all about me. I have set myself a task to write about 50 events in my life that have had such an effect that they have shaped who I am today.

I’ve gone through my drunk stories, my computer stories, my entertainment stories and now I’m on to my injury stories.

34. My earliest memory of me injuring myself was on an exercise bike. I’d managed to learn how to ride a kids bike fine thanks to the girl down the street but when I got on her mum’s exercise bike I managed to stuff myself. My ankle caught between the peddle and the body of the bike. Sliced off a lot of skin and somehow sprained my ankle at the same time. I seem to recall mum driving me to the hospital with me ranting and crying in the front seat. I was in grade one.

33. Bikes were a constant form of agony for me. My best stack happened to be the time when something was caught in the front wheel and I decided it would be a good idea to kick it out. Kicking it out worked, but my foot got stuck, the bike went to a dead stop and I flew over the handlebars and slid face first along the gravel. I limped home, without any skin on my hands or knees.

32. The scene: Nambour Pool. The scenario: Me fully clothed, not swimming. Most of my friends, swimming and attempting to wet me. One of them got out and pretended to try to throw me in. I bolt off, then turn around to see if they were chasing me. They weren’t – but the action of turning around made me slip over and break my ankle (hairline fracture). I lay there for a while due to the fact that they thought I was kidding. I got to spend quite a few hours in the hospital for that one, and returned to my friends sleepover for a painful sleep on their couch. 🙁

31. Seats were limited on my bus. First on got first choice so it was always a jostle to be the one in front. One day the bus pulled up behind another bus, so we all had to walk to it. A few of us started to run, but the grass was wet with dew so I slipped and fell. But not only did I fall but I hit my head on a telephone pole at the same time. I said “Oh fuck” and then got up and got a seat. Michelle still thinks it’s funny.

30. Throughout my teenage years I dealt with agony in the area around the hamstring in my left leg. It was quite swollen there but no one knew what it was. They did massage, ultrasounds and finally ended up doing a biopsy to see if it was cancer. Luckily it wasn’t, it was abnormal blood vessels, but it did give us a bit of a scare considering it happened so soon after Mum’s breast cancer.

29. Biggest and best accident: I fell out of a mini-mini-moke. It was a little bit smaller than a mini moke and had all the gears that a normal car has. With pure bravado my dad and I got in it and he let me drive. I did ok for a while, but when we were heading for the gutter I decided to jump. Nice idea (well, bad idea) but my shoelace got caught in the accelerator. Somehow the car kept going with me being dragged along beside it. Dad managed to throw my leg out and stop the vehicle then he came back and said “Are you alright?” I said “I’m ok” and then looked down at my hands and said “Oh fuck”. I had massive blisters on my hands, knees and elbows that were dripping pus down my arms. Dad just wanted to give me a panadol but I insisted he take me to the doctor. They painfully cleaned all the dirt out then wrapped me up like a mummy. I couldn’t bend my elbows and thus I looked a strange site walking around Sydney a week or so later on our holidays. I stopped writing christmas cards that year because of it and I blame this injury on the fact that I rarely ever give out christmas cards anymore.

Seems to be a history of ankle injuries and gravel rashes that have defined my injury history.



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