So I’d spent the entire weekend avoiding eating food on the right hand side of my mouth, but when it started to hurt on the left side after drinking tea or eating ice-cream, I decided I should go see a professional. Luckily (or unluckily) someone had cancelled their appointment on Monday morning so I turned up in their place.

My mouth is riddled with silver and bares the scars of an evil and lazy owner. Warning.. gratuitous open mouth photos follow.

23-08-04_1159.jpgMy dentist asked me lots of questions, like had I been in a car crash recently, been hit in the head or eaten lots and lots of bad lollies. My life is rarely that dramatic so I could only answer yes to the bad lollies question. She took two xrays – one for either side of my lower jaw and then proceeded to tell me off for not flossing. I don’t know why she would ask the question “how is your flossing going” when she can damn well see how it’s going by looking at the giant cavity causing my tooth to collapse in on itself. So I got the requisite slap on the wrist, and then we got busy with the fillings.

I’ve never been too concerned about visiting dentists since it has been a constant in my life since I first visited the dental caravan in primary school. But why does she have to wave the enormous and obscenely phallic mother of a needle in my face, not once but twice! Sure, she says she puts the first one in a little just to numb it then puts the rest in after, but I know she takes a great amount of joy in ramming it in the second time. Kind of like a “take that you evil oral abuser”. I swear I got a little bit of a rush from the anastethic cause my heart was beating a mile a minute, no wait, that was her waving the needle again.

The last time I went I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (how ironic) on the dvd with headphones but I must have done something wrong this time because all I got was the “relaxing” tropical island photos and the sweet serene sound of a jackhammer in my mouth. Oh, and the sound of her tummy rumbling because it was nearly lunch time.

Once the holes had been filled (white instead of silver!) she investigated the other side of my mouth further. She tapped and prodded my teeth then assulted it with -4 degrees of coldness but there was no pain. That’d be right!!!!!!!! It wasn’t until AFTER I left the surgery that I realised the pain was at the top of my mouth. I can’t believe my stupidity!!



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