I don’t go the hairdresers very often. Ideally, I’d have shorter hair more of the time but I’ve never liked going so I just put it off until I can’t stand it. For years I’ve never really thought about why I didn’t like it, but after a conversation with Chris the other day I’ve finally realised why. Hairdressing salons are dens of hyper heterosexuality and I’m hyper-hetero-sexist.
This is how a visit to the hairdressers happens for me:
- Never make an appointment, just go for the walk in and give up if no free slots
- Get seated, get aproned, get asked about what style I want
- Ask for a trim, then just agree to anything they say from then on while studiously avoiding all mirrors
- Get complimented about something and then mention how the boys must love that or some boy will ask me out after seeing this hair or check out that guy over there he is so hot.
- Vomit in my mouth a little and try to look really focused on magazine
- Laugh at the jokes they tell each other about other customers while knowing that you are going to be the next prey as soon as you are gone
- Nod and smile while a mirror revolves around my head
- Buy whatever gel, moistureiser or spray they sell
- Walk out around $80 to $110 poorer
- Hate the haircut and don’t go near scissors for 6 months
The things I hate most are the presumptions and decisions. The most obvious presumption is that I like boys, the second is that I want to spend an hour a day looking after my hair like the hairdressers do. They don’t seem to get that a girl with curly hair doesn’t want to lose 30 minutes a day denying their genetics just to straighten it. Meanwhile all the straight hair girls in the world are curling theirs.
Before I went in Chris asked if I knew any hairdressers who played on my team and I didn’t get why he asked that. After my latest visit I’ve decided that I’m going to try and find a gay salon – if only so I can avoid the “have you found a boyfriend/husband” question yet. The answer is no and I’m not looking for one!!!