After attending (and hosting) my first ever baby shower over the weekend for my pregnant “not so punk anymore” sister I am now much more knowledgeable about this cultural ritual. I shall now list for you the things that go on at a baby shower.
- Play a game where you could possibly embarass the extremely sensitive pregnant woman by grossly overestimating her belly size simply by using some string.
- Marvel at the technology of kids toys these days. Especially when they have flashing lights and sing modern tunes like “London Bridge is falling down”
- Put pregnant woman in the middle of a circle and then watch her unwrap presents, noticing that she doesn’t yet understand the significance of diapers or large buckets.
- Feel safe because you’ve either had all your kids or don’t have any intention of having any
- Eat enough food to make it look like you are pregnant
- Spend 30 mins discussing the sex of the baby, then 1 hour discussing names
- Poke fun at husband/de facto/boyfriend/one night stand
- Tell pregnant woman to enjoy her vagina and sleep while it lasts. LOL!!
I hope I haven’t told any womanly secrets that were meant to stay in the vault.