So, you used to have millions of girls screaming at you, you were earning millions of dollars and you were getting laid every night. Then some twat in your “group” decides that he wants to make music that’s important to humanity to save the world. So he leaves the group and you’re left only with a record contract and a severe case of obscurity staring at your face. Never fear, here is the recipe to becoming cool and gaining credability again:
- Get lots of famous girlfriends, bed them, then slag them off in public and talk about their rude bits.
- Hang out with hard core rappers, but not P. Diddy cause he is just a white pimp in disguise.
- Hang out with bands who have a history of fighting and alchoholism. Get them to help you write songs, then ditch them just before they release the really crap album they played to you at the pub one day.
- Release a music video that involves stalking your ex-girlfirend
- When you perform at concerts, make sure you have a drop dead gorgeous female bass player
- DO NOT appear with Tommy Lee in a hummer on a popular tv show
- DO NOT star in a reality tv show with your new wife. Especially when the show’s intro has more personality than you
- Date an older woman and make sure her kids come with you on the date
- Take the piss out of yourself regularly, but still be really vain
- Tell everyone you fancy Kylie Minogue, AND her ass
Just follow those easy steps, and you too can be as cool as Robbie Williams or Justin Timberlake!!!